Look Out For The Impromptu Lessons

My excitement of being pregnant has been washed away by the daily discomfort of nauseousness, tiredness and headaches. My poor kids have been the victims of neglect. But they have also been very understanding. I hope they don't start to dislike baby. My son told me one afternoon “throw baby away because baby make you sick.” Sweet but a bit worrying.

Anyway, I feel quite guilty coz' I haven't been diligent in teaching them. Yes, they are going to “Mummy's School” for the time being. However, this has made me more alert in catching those “impromptu” lessons. Here are 2 examples:

• Decided to go for a walk one night to ease off the discomforts. The streetlights were on casting shadows on the road. My girl comments “Hey, my shadow is almost as tall as yours.” (Blink, blink, lights go off in my head). We had an enjoyable discovery session about “shadows”. Here were some of the questions we explored:
  1. What makes the shadows? Light. Where there were no light, there were no shadows.
  2. How do you make it grow so small that it's right under your feet? Stand directly underneath the lightbulb.
  3. When is the shadow on our left / right / front / back?
  4. Does your shadow look like you? And does it do what you do?
  
• Pointing to an envelope while introducing the letter sound /e/ to my son. Although an ordinary object, I suddenly wondered if he really knew what an envelope was for. I then talked about writing letters, putting stamps, writing the name and address on the envelope, posting it at the post office, and our friend the postman who delivers the letters. The children seemed pretty intrigued and now our project is to test if the system works. So, they decided they want to write to Grandma and see if she will really get the “envelope.”

So I guess the point of this blog is to remember that lessons are not only found in books. Let us not confine our children's learning to a desk. Life itself is full of lessons. We just have to awaken our senses to things that have become “ordinary” to us because to them, it may not be that "ordinary" afterall.

Teeheehee... Could This Be No.3?

I have the symptoms... missed period, chilly, tired. And today, the food don't smell so good anymore. Did my own testing and that came out positive. The only thing I don't have is a doctor's confirmation. But I'm 99% sure.

Well, some people like to keep these things quiet. They don't like to tell people until they are like 4-5 months pregnant. Some fear that something unpleasant will happen if they tell people before 3 months is up. I'm not like that. Once I know, I feel like shouting out to the whole world. It's such wonderful and exciting news. Well, that's me.

So, ready or not, number 3 seems to be on it's way. Here I go again!

Froggy Update

Some people have been wondering what have become of my tadpoles. Well, half way through my moving house, two of the tadpoles decided to mature into frogs. It happened rather quickly after they developed 4 legs.

After I had moved into the current house, there was another tadpole on his way to becoming a froggy. He was getting pretty close but ended up dead one morning. Don't know what happened. I wonder if he drowned as I added a little bit of water to the tank the day before. Not too much but I guess it may have been too much for him. How sad!

It's interesting how when we caught the tadpoles, I thought they were all going to turn into frogs and the same time. But it looks like they take turns -- only one or two mature at a time. Now I have another two with legs and the rest... they look like they are happy being tadpoles.

Getting Kids to Like Spicy Food

The other day we decided not to cook but to get our dinner from the pasar malam. It was unfortunate that most of the food were spicy and my oldest girl wasn't very happy with what we brought home. This brings me to the question of "How do you get your kids to take spicy food?"

I myself grew up not taking too much spicy food. My only experience with chilli was the "nasi lemak" I bought during recess break at the school canteen. Even then I had to extinguish the fire with lots of cold water. I'm much better now when it comes to spicy food. That much I owe to my DH and FIL who are the "cannot-live-without-chilli" kind.

Anyway, on a trip to Hong Kong a few years ago, we shared an apartment with an Indian family. Their little girl who is the same age with my daughter happily helped herself to Curry Maggi Mee. If I'm not mistaken, most Malay and Indian families cook spicy food most of the time. How did they get their children to take spicy food? Did they adopt an "eat it or leave it" attitude?

As mentioned before, my daughter is not a big fan of spicy food. My son however, seems to have inherit his father's genes and is able to handle the taste. He wanted to try Asam Laksa and we let him. Surprisingly he came back for more. Sometimes during church occasions someone cooks some spicy noodle. He doesn't mind it. Today we had ladies fingers (okra) cooked in sambal. That was his favorite dish.

So I wonder, is eating spicy food something you learn to acquire or is it a "either you have it or don't have it" sort of thing? What do you guys do with your kids on this issue?

p.s.: By the way, I finally found my putu piring which I desperately looked for during the puasa month but failed to obtain.

Back Online

Finally, the moving house saga is over. It was a crazy week mixed along with a touch of bad luck. Not only had I to deal with lots of packing but also had to stress over hitting a motorbike. To add to the stress, I also managed to leave my house keys in my mom's car and she drove home to Seremban with it (that's about an hours drive away). I'm definitely glad to put it behind me. Looking forward to experiencing rainbows after the rain.

I know many people have lots of tips on moving house. This is mine (warning: this may apply to Malaysians only):

• When looking to hire wiremen, aircond contractors, grill makers, plumbers and whatsoever, do not drive around looking for their shop. Instead, pay attention to tree trunks, lamp posts or whatever fixture you can find along the roads as that is where they stick their advertisements.
• Also, the usually irritating little flyers and name cards they stick in your mailbox, do come in handy at this time.
• When you make an appointment with telekom to install your telephone line, be ready for them NOT to turn up. Insists on getting the contractor's number so you can call him direct. In my case, the contractor didn't turn up for the appointment because he didn't get the order in the first place. It took me 4 days to get my phone line up and another 4 days for the broadband to work.
  Moral of the story: If you can't live without your internet, better have a Plan B e.g. make sure you know where the nearest internet cafe is located.

Well, the kids look like they have adjusted well. This area has many young families and so they are quite a lot of kids their age. However, this is a Malay community and my kids have yet to speak Bahasa Malaysia. But amazingly, language is no barrier when you want to have fun and have a desire to make friends. My daughter didn't understand what the girl next door was saying but they were running around and having a good time.

Anyway, it's great to be online again. Life resumes to it's normal mode.

Bebereviews.com

Just want to quickly introduce everyone to a wonderful site for parents: http://bebereviews.com
More so for parents in the U.S. as I doubt we get such fantastic, creative children products here in Malaysia. But it's great education to what's available out there. Below is their introduction:
"A weekly e-magazine about the latest & greatest products for your child. Plus, read articles geared towards caring for your child, recipes, health tips, & more all right here!"

They now have a new column called Daily Scoop. It's a daily column where you will find celebrity mommy gossip, coupon codes, discounts, special sales and more!

Oh yes! One last thing. You can also add yourself to their Mommy Blogosphere. Just go to this link:
http://www.bebereviews.com/blog_directory.htm

Enjoy!

Update On My Tadpoles

My tadpoles are still alive. I've been waiting for their legs to emerge and it seems like it never will. Finally today, I saw some hind legs on one tadpole. Yes, only one has legs. It is very faint but it is there. Woohoo!


Related post:
We Have Tadpoles

Moving House Blues

No thanks to the mini landslide that is happening beside my house, my family has decided to relocate. There use to be squatter houses next to us but that has given way to the construction of low cost flats. They dug away the earth without putting retention walls and now with the constant rain, the earth has eroded resulting in the small road beside my front neighbour's house and my house to give way. Of course now they are working on it. But damage has been done already.

The photos above where taken from my front gate. As you can see, they have put up barriers at the end of the road. It really is a hassle getting the car out of my house now. I have to back into my front neighbour's gate to get out.

Well, anyhow, we have found a place to stay at Puncak Alam. It is new territory to me. Feels a bit scary to venture to a non-familiar place, learning where to get things and probably getting lost as I try to find my way around. But in a small way, there is also a bit of excitement and sense of adventure. Of course I will miss my beloved Petaling Jaya. The area in Puncak Alam is not yet as developed. Just have to be patient and wait for everything to mushroom around the area.

Unfortunately after the decision to move comes the headache of actually packing, moving, cleaning, transferring .... I know many out there have vast experience. I do appreciate whatever feedback you can offer. No we will not be hiring professional movers. Cutting cost is a family priority now. Anyone in PJ area that can donate boxes to me?

Moving checklists that may be of interest:
1. http://www.packnmove.co.uk/moving_house_checklist.html
2. http://www.ourfamilyplace.com/homebuyer/moving.html

A Fruit Salad Bowl of Lessons

"One final thing. I'll just cut up the fruits for the salad and then I'll sit down and spend time with the kids." This was what I was thinking after spending the whole morning doing household chores. My poor kids were entertaining themselves in front of the T.V. waiting for Mommy. And then an idea struck me -- why not let them come sit with me while I cut up the fruits. We'll make things up as we go along.

So the kids happily gathered round Mommy and the lessons began:

1. How many mangoes are there? How many apples are there? How many altogether?
2. Ok, Mommy is taking one apple away to cut. How many left?
   Now I'm taking another one. 4 apples take away 1 is ...?
3. See, you put the cut apples in salt water so the apples don't turn brown. If you leave the cut apples exposed to air, they turn brown.
4. What is the name of this fruit? Winter Melon. And what about that one? Yes, strawberries.
5. How many boxes of strawberries? What do they taste like? Sweet, sour or salty? What color are they?
6. Look at the mangoes. What color are they on the outside? What color are they on the inside?
7. Ok, I will let you help me cut. But must be careful with the knife ok. Cut it into cubes like this. This is called what? CUBES. Well done.
8. What about this fruit? What is this? KIWI. Do you know where kiwis come from? They can't grow in Malaysia. They come all the way from New Zealand. What do they taste like?
9. All done now. Do you remember what fruits we used? How many fruits altogether?
10. Which one did we cut first? Second? Third? etc....

It was really a delightful time. The kids enjoyed the "bonding" time and of course we got to treat ourselves to yummy nutritious fruits. Not forgetting Mommy managed to squeeze in some math, science and geography lessons. It made me think how many times I may have missed out on opportunities like this. More often than not we get bogged down with our work, that we become shortsighted to the real life lessons awaiting our children if only we include them in the work.

Read Aloud With Gusto!

I'm going to assume that most of you reading this blog know about Donald Trump's reality show "The Apprentice." If you don't, it's ok. I just want to mention that in one episode as he was giving some business tips, he ended with this statement "Do it with Gusto."

I like that statement and I would like to take it and apply it to reading aloud to children. Yes, read aloud to children with GUSTO! What does that mean? It means do more than just read. Captivate them with your use of voice variations, facial expressions, and gestures. Engage them with repetitive phrases and questions. Make the story come alive for them.

I must admit that one has to be "in the mood" to be able to pull this off. So do try to put away your worries for 15 minutes and let go of your inhibitions. Don't be afraid of being silly in front of your kids. It's the silliness they crave for. It's your exaggeration and enthusiasm that will foster their love for reading.

I found it very humorous the other day when during my reading session with the kids, my 2 1/2 year old toddler declared that he would read to me instead that night. He flipped open the book, referred to the familiar pictures, pointed to the words and pretended to read. Of course he couldn't read the words. He used his own words instead but made it seem like that was what was written. And what was hilarious was that he was using different voices to portray the different characters. Oh, kids are such good copycats. Which goes to show that reading aloud with GUSTO is how they would like us to read.

You don't need special training. You just need to enjoy the story and awake the sleeping actor/actress within you. Remember, to read with GUSTO, just let loose, be silly, get into character and dive into the story with enthusiasm.

We Have Tadpoles

It's been raining quite a bit lately. And so while many people are cursing the rain because of traffic jams and floods, the frogs have been happily spawning. What a great time for a Science Lesson! So off we went with our plastic cups and a RM3 plastic aquarium to Taman Aman. Thank goodness not all the puddles were dried up. The kids tried to scoop up every tadpole they could see. Poor Mom had to keep reminding them, "we REALLY, REALLY don't need that many frogs!"
Well, we get home with our new "pets" and it hits me, "what do tadpoles eat?" Looks like it's turning out to be more of a science lesson for Mom then for the kids. So I had to do a little bit of research and found out they could feed on goldfish flakes. Yay! I already had that available, so no sweat. But then their diet will eventually change and that part, I haven't figured out yet.
Also, as they morph, they will need less water and a place to crawl out of the water. So Damus and I went back to the park the next morning in search of stones and some sticks. Hopefully, that will do the trick. The science lesson is still in progress. Let's see if we manage to rear some hoppers. Stay tune for the results.

In the meantime, you might be interested on doing some extra reading. You know, just in case you come across some tadpoles and decide to host a REAL LIFE science lesson too.
1. How To Raise Tadpoles
2. Dealing With Tadpoles
3. Toad and Frog Tadpoles

Do Lazy Parents Make For Independant Children?

I admit I'm NOT one of those moms who would do everything for a child. Especially when I know they can do it for themselves. Here are a few examples:

1. I'm too lazy to pick up toys.
My rules regarding messes:
i. You mess, you clean.
ii. Things need to be picked up from the floor before going to bed or before leaving the house.
iii. You do something for me, I'll do something for you.
iv. If it resorts to me picking up the toys, it means you will not see them for a long time or they will end up in the rubbish bin.

Lately my daughter has been pretty good. She cleaned up her playroom yesterday without me even asking (it has been messy for days). Woohoo! Yesterday the kids wanted ice-cream and I cunningly told them that the ice cream says it won't come out until things were off the floor. In 5 minutes my floor was walkable again.
Of course for me to be "lazy" I also have to make the task easy for them e.g. shelves must be low enough, boxes/containers readily available, don't demand perfection etc....

2. I don't like to wait "forever" for my kids to finish their food.
Right from the beginning I swore never to be one of those parents who run after their children trying to get a spoonful of food in their mouths.

My rules regarding eating:
i. If you want me to feed, you stay close. You want to eat, you come to me not the other way around.
ii. If I have to wait like 15 minutes before you come take another bite, you feed yourself (remember, I'm talking about children who already acquired the skills).
iii. Good food must be finished before junk food or snacks are allowed. I will not entertain any request for "other" food if lunch or dinner was not finished. Hungry? Wait for the next meal.
iv. After eating, all plates, bowl, cups and utensils must be taken to the kitchen sink.

The kids really do their best to finish their food now. Of course I have to be reasonable and help them be good eaters. I have 2 strategies that has worked well for me:
i. Put less than what I expect them to eat. If they want more, then they can have a second helping. Psychologically they feel they are such good eaters. Boost their moral. Instead of scolding, scolding, scolding and reminding them how much food they waste I get to tell them what a good job they did.
ii. Get your own food. I now leave it to my older girl to get her own rice and choose what she wants to eat. BUT she must understand that she must finish what she takes. Of course she will leave out the veges. She takes after me. I too grew up not liking veges so I know how irritating it is for people to keep telling you to "eat your veges." So I either cut the veges up very small or make it up by giving them more fruits. No use trying to move a mountain. Just find other ways to get around it.

3. I'm too lazy to pack and carry their bags.
If we need to go somewhere and I know the kids need to be occupied, I always ask them to pack their bags. They decide what goes in but I do the last inspection. I put them in charge of getting their water bottles ready meaning look for it, check if there is enough water, if not bring it to me to be filled up. And yes, I'm too lazy to carry their bags. I already have my own things to carry.
My oldest girl had to learn a hard lesson today. She was dilly dallying getting ready for school this morning. I refused to pack her school bag even though it would hurry things up. I told her it's almost time to go and said her school bag is her responsibility. She, of course, had an attack of "excuse-itis" e.g. where is my water bottle, I cannot go into the room to get it, I want someone to turn on the light etc.... I just walked to the car, turned on the engine and waited for her. I know some of you may think that is cruel but I am reminded of a Tiger Woods story. As a youngster, he turned up at the golf club one day without his golf bag. He had expected his father to get it for him. His father in turn reminded him that that was his responsibility and to be a good golfer, he has to shoulder that responsibility

Ok, that's only 3 of my lazy things. So, do lazy parents make for independant children?

Tag Your Child Before They Get Lost

What would you do if you lost your child in the crowd? Do your children know what to do if they got lost in the crowd?
I've been pondering on these questions a bit lately. Today I took my kids to Petrosains and of course, being the school holidays they were lots of people. I was a bit worried as I knew I hadn't drilled enough safety procedures into my kids. Took the train (LRT) the other day with my kids and realized I hadn't briefed them on what to do if one of us got on/off and the other didn't. Had a quick lesson right then and there. Before any trip I make sure the kids are aware of the dangers of running off without me. Here are my two usual threats (I know I need to tone down on the threats and be more positive):

1. If you run off someone might grab you and take you home with them. Then you cannot see Mommy anymore.
2. If I can't find you I will have to go home without you ok?

My rule is that they must ALWAYS stay close or hold hands. But even then, we never know when mishaps happen. It usually takes a couple of seconds for them to get lost. Anyway, my worry is also due to the fact they my kids have yet to memorize my phone number or the house address. Thank goodness they at least know what their parents' names are. Yes, our names are not Mommy and Daddy.

I've been thinking of making an "Info Tag" for them to carry -- something that has my name, their name, my phone number and the house address etc.... Today I just scribbled my name and number on a piece of paper, put in their pockets and told my children to have someone call me if they get lost. But I think I need to make something more lasting and also add in information for the person that finds them.
Plus I need to also teach them who to approach. God forbid they approach the wrong person and end up in a worse situation (I shudder at the thought). Read in an article that it is best for children to approach other mothers that have children with them.

Well, I found this ID bracelet on the net. Looks kinda what I need. Unfortunately it's in the U.S. so I will have to stick with a homemade one.
Click here to view.

Managed to get hold of a copy of the Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers. Really a great book to teach a toddler about being wary of strangers. It's got lessons like don't take presents from strangers and never to anywhere with a stranger. My favorite is Mama Bear's analogy of the barrel of apples. She says that every barrel of apple has a few bad apples. So it is with strangers. Not all are bad but some are. So we have to be careful because of the few "bad apples". Plus you can't judge a person by its appearance. Like some of the apples had a weird shape but was good on the inside. Then she pulled out a good looking apple but had worms on the inside.
Was going to put the book for sale on my bookshop but my daughter got hold of it first. If you can't wait for me to find another copy, you can download the digital format.
Get it here!
The digital format is priced at USD 2.99. I think that is a fairly reasonable price and very worthwhile, don't you think?

Here are some interesting reading for you:
1. Don't Lost Your Child!
2. Preventing Abductions
3. Suggestions for Parents for Preventing the Abduction of Your Child

In the meantime, if you have some creative ways on how to make this "Child Info Tag", let me know.

Art on Balloons

I've heard many parents fret over children drawing on floors and walls. It definately is a headache to clean up (that is if it can be cleaned at all) but it just goes to show the zest of exploration in a child testing their new found skills on different textures. Well, here is a wonderful and acceptable way to encourage their love of drawing -- Art on Balloons! It was a spur of the moment thing that I happened to discover this wonderful activity. The kids wanted me to blow up balloons for them to play and I thought why not draw faces on the balloon to make it more fun. Well, the kids decided they wanted to draw on the balloons too. And let me tell you, they enjoyed it tremendously. So now whenever they get their hands on a balloon, they rush for the marker pens.
I wish I had taken pictures of their "masterpieces". Maybe next time. In the meantime, let your children create their own masterpieces.

Below are some interesting sites on children and drawing. I enjoyed reading the information there and know that many parents will benefit from the reading as well. Do check it out.

1. Drawing Encounters
2. Young in Art
3. Teaching Children to Draw

How I Got My Daughter To Make Her Bed

I have been trying to get my girl to make her bed in the morning but without success. It doesn't matter that she is only 4+ years old, I know she is capable of doing it. If she only had 1 pillow and 1 blanket I wouldn't mind so much. But she loves to surround herself with countless pillows and has 3 blankets. (Why she needs 3 blankets in this Malaysian climate I don't know.) So you just imagine the mess her bed is in. Oh, and not forgetting her resident soft toys too.
Well, as we were fooling around on the bed this evening, I decided to try the magic of storytelling. This is how it went:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who got a new bed from her parents. It was a beautiful bed and so very comfy. She loved it. Her mother gave her one pillow but that wasn't enough. She asked if she could have a few more and have mother said ok. She was given one blanket but she wanted more. Again her mother said ok. That night, the little girl slept very well with her soft toys, pillows and blanket.
The next morning, the girl woke up bright and cheery. She didn't cry. (My girl is not a morning person). She jumped out of bed and left her it in a mess. Well, guess who came? It was Mr. Cockroach. He just moved into the house and was looking for a good place to stay. He was searching and searching when suddenly... AHA! "I found it" he said. He saw the mess the little girl had left on the bed and decided it was a good place to stay.
Then guess who came along? It was Mr. Rat. He was looking for a place to rest. He looked and looked and he saw the little girl's messy bed. "Oooh, that looks like a good place to rest" said Mr. Rat.
Then guess who else came along? It was Mr. Centipede. He wondered "where can I find a messy place to hide?" He too saw the little girl's messy bed and decided that was where he wanted to be.

The next thing my girl said was "Mommy, can you help me fold my blanket? I can't do it myself. I take this side and you take that side and we fold it ok?"
Hahahahaha. Beats all my reminders and coaxing. Magic of stories! Unfortunately it had some side effects. As she was straightening up her bed, she was afraid to find cockroaches, rats or centipedes. Oh well, most medicines are bitter.

Malaysian Primary School Registration

Today I registered my girl at Puay Chai (SS2) Primary School. The task and confusion of registering a child in school is a common experience among Malaysian parents. These are our common questions:

1. Which school?
2. When to register?
3. Where to go?
4. What to bring?

Since I am done with this responsibility of mine, let me share with you my experience.

WHICH SCHOOL?
Well, I too was confused with the "Kebangsaan vs Chinese" school issue. I will not go into that as each have their pros and cons. Each parent will have to search out that answer themselves. It depends on what you want for your child and knowing the capabilities of your child. Therefore, there is no one answer for everybody. As for me, I chose to go with the Chinese School. Now all I can do is pray that I made the right decision.

WHEN TO REGISTER?
This year registration is open to children born in the year 2001. To be more exact, registration only began in March (meaning now lah). So, don't listen to people who tell you to register the moment your child is born. Next year will be for children born in the year 2002. So just calculate from there and you will know when to register your child.

WHERE TO GO?
Head to the school office and they will give you a form to fill out.

WHAT TO BRING?
1. Original birth certificate
2. Photostated copy of the birth certificate.
3. Utility bill noting your current address. (Bring more than one to be on the safe side).
4. Photostated copy of the utility bill.
5. Envelope with a 50 cent stamp. (Not sure if it's just with Puay Chai or all the schools). Anyway, I didn't know about this and paid RM1. Better than going home and coming back again.

Okay, so it's as simple as that. I had to learn all this through word of mouth. So I hope I've at least helped some other worried parent out there.

Here's another website I found that may be of help:
http://www.moe.gov.my/tayang.php?laman=pendidikan_wajib&bhs=en

Encouraging Prewriting Skills

One of the things I truly believe in is that children must be given plenty of opportunities to scribble. Of course the trick is to teach them that scribbling is to be done on paper and not on tables and walls. I have seen parents shower their toddlers with toys and toys but never give them the pleasure of holding a pencil. Now some parents may ask, when do I start? My answer is simple, when they are ready. Every child develops at a different rate. You know your child best. Use your observations skills. Like I said before, provide the opportunity. Have pencils and paper readily available and easily accessible.

Children learn best through modelling. So start out by having drawing sessions with your toddler on your lap. Even better if you illustrate while telling a story. Don't worry if your elephant looks like a crocodile. You do not need to be a Michaelangelo to teach your child what a pencil can do. Later, give them a pencil and see what they do with it. If they put it in their mouth, then obviously they aren't ready. When they start making marks on paper, the answer to your question whether they are ready or not glares you in the face.
Don't rush them into drawing shapes and writing alphabets. According to Susan Striker in her book entitled "Young At Art" she says, "This point in scribbling development is so crucial to the child's normal development that it can be devastating to now rush the process or "teach" the child how to represent realistic objects." In other words, scribbling is important. Don't disrupt their learning process.

Make writing fun. Writing doesn't just have to be paper and pencil. My kids have a blast with their blackboard and chalk, and whiteboard and markers. Kindergartens these days can dish out really boring work. Kids come home copying the strokes over and over again. Where is the excitement? Check out the pictures below. Damus was happily drawing lines and circles on the animals. Karina, who is already passed prewriting stage, was also eager to do the activity.

So ignore the old lady who screams at you for giving your child a pencil that will poke his eye out. Provide the opportunities, make them fun, then sit back and enjoy watching your child grow in skills and imagination.

The Dangers of Labeling a Child

How many of us have nicknames for our children? Goodness knows how many nicknames I've created for my children since they were born. It seems to come naturally and often than not, its done out of our affection for them. For example, when my girl was a baby, she liked to sleep on her stomach with her butt stuck up. So we started to call her "butt-butt". Then as she grew older, someone commented she looked very handsome like her daddy. Her nickname changed accordingly and we called her "our handsome girl." Our little boy also has his share of nicknames. Recently, we have been calling him "Funny Boy" coz' he does things to make us laugh and is always laughing himself. Well, he asked me a question the other day that made me think I had better be more conscience of what I call my children. I can't remember what he did but after he had done it, he asked me "Mommy, was that funny?" Alarm bells started ringing as it was obvious to me that this little boy was trying to live up to the label his parents had conveniently tagged on him.

Many child experts have discussed the negative consequences of labelling our children or pushing them into certain roles. Children tend to live up to their names. So imagine a child who is always referred to as "naughty boy" or "lazy girl"? How will they know how to act otherwise if their parents have already deemed them as such. And how do we as parents expect our children to be otherwise when we keep reminding them what we really think of them.

Now you may say, what harm would I do then if I use good labels on my child such as "smart boy" or "angel girl"? Even these labels may cause pressure and tension in a child. Just imagine "smart boy" stressing out because he didn't get all As on his last exam or "angel girl" trying hard to hide and cover up her mistakes because she doesn't want to "spoil" her image?

Reflect on your own life? What labels did your parents put on you? What role do you play in your family? Were you the Big Brother/Sister, the Baby of the Family, the Crazy One, the Helpful One, the Talented One, the Genius, the Strong Headed one, etc.... How has that effected you even until now?

So, what should we do instead? In the book, Liberated Parents Liberated Children by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, there is mention that a parent is a "storehouse for his child's finest moments." In other words, we remind them of all the good they had done. If a child finds difficulty reading, recount the times when he/she got it right. If a child keeps bullying a younger sibling, remind him/her of all the kindness bottled inside.

I actually like what is written in the book, so I'm just going to quote it:

"Children see themselves primarily through their parents' eyes. They look to us to tell them not necessarily what they are, but what they're capable of becoming. They depend upon us for a larger vision of themselves, and for the tools to implement that vision....
There is no such thing as a child who is "selfish." There's only a child who needs to experience the joys of generosity.
There is no such thing as a child who is "lazy." There's only a child who is unmotivated, who needs someone to believe that he can work hard when he cares enough.
There is no such thing as a child who is "clumsy." There's only a child who needs to have his movements accepted and his body exercised.
Children -- all children -- need to have their best affirmed and their worst ignored or redirected."

So with a lesson learned, I come before you with a pledge to free my children from all labels I have pinned on them. If you hear me label my child again, I ask that you do me a favor and pinch me.

Parenting Questions

Generally, as parents we strive to do what's right and what's best for our children. Unfortunately, our children didn't come with an instruction tag. So as we walk along the road of parenthood, there are sure to be stumbles and confusion when we encounter crossroads. The following are some questions that I've pondered or are still pondering.

• When starting to introduce solids: "What else can I cook that they can eat?"
• Now that they can eat on their own: "How do I get them to eat vegetables when I myself hated vegetables growing up?"
• How to get them to share?
• How to get them to stop biting and hitting?
• What school should I send them to? Kebangsaan or Chinese?
• Should I enrol them in Music class? Art class? Drama class? Playgroup? Gymnastics? No class? etc... When is it too much and when is it not enough?
• How to not be so "kiasu"?
• How do I scream less?
• Am I being fair to both my children or do I play favorites?
• When do I start weaning?
• When do I get start potty training?
• How to get them to do homework?
• How do I get them to be interested in books?
• What else can I do to keep them busy and entertained?
• What can I do to work from home?
• If I carry my baby too much, will I spoil them?
• In the name of discipline, do I sometimes cross the line into being mean and cruel?
• How do I get them to stop scribbling in my books, on the wall and on the tables?
• How do I communicate more effectively with my children?
• What should I teach my children e.g. reading, writing, counting, honesty, love, respect, etc...?
• How shall I teach them?
• What resources are available to me (e.g. books, internet), which one shall I use and where can I get it?
  

I'm sure there were and are more questions? I'm interested to know WHAT WERE SOME OF YOURS?

Wisdom of a Child

Watch your children closely for they have much wisdom in them.