Thursday, October 29, 2009

Child Abuser?

Apparently, I've cause an "outrage" among some parents at regarding how I stop my son from screaming the house down during his "terrible two" sessions. The blog post is here: "Save Me From The Terrible Twos".

Unfortunately, I am unable to find those "outraged" comments. But, I must say that I'm surprised that using a bath dipper to splash my son to cool him off is considered abusive. Is this a cultural misunderstanding? Because I know for sure that non-Asians do not bath this way. They either shower or soak in a bath, but they do not "mandi" with a dipper like we do. Maybe I used the wrong word when I wrote the post. Maybe I should not have used the phrase "Dunk in Water". Probably that gives people the picture of me pushing his head under water or something. To clarify matters, I'm just pouring water over his head.

Anyway, I'm just curious to know how many of you really, really, really think that what I did was abusive. Be honest. I'll try to be humble and if I did wrong, I will repent.


  1. I probably won't pour water over my kids head. (They hate that) but I don't find it abusive either.

    Have you seen how the Indian/Malay bathe their kids with the dipper early in the morning, strip them down all naked outdoor, using the dipper pouring cold water over their body. Is that consider abusive too??

  2. don't think it's abusive either. It's a bit harsh I admit but hey, at least you've tried doing other things to make him stop and none of it worked. Sometimes you've got to be harsh once in a while just to nip the bad behaviour in the bud. If it works in helping keeping him in line and not letting things get out of hand then I think it's ok. in fact, some might say hitting or pinching the child is a worse way to stop the behaviour.

    don't worry la dear. I think you're a good mother. you love your children, take care of them and know them better than anyone else in the world. Don't think you would ever fall under the 'abusive' category. At least not in my books. You're definately one of those mothers whom I admire and aspire to be.

    Take care.

  3. I don't think it's abusive but doesn't that make him avoid the bath after that?

  4. To me, Ai Lian is a great mom. This time, the way of splashing water is considered a little bit harsh, and it didn't sound like Ai Lian's ways of handling her children. I do understand the part when a child get on our nerve sometimes. Especially when they are 2yo and they have a new arrival sibling, their terrible twos are really very terrible. My youngest was born when my elder was two, so I know your condition now. Somemore you have 2 elders one whom you need to spare your time with.

    I don't dare to judge whether you are child abusive. I myself just caned my 3yo last night until her tight was bruise, due to she delayed her sleep time, regardless my multiple warnings and scoldings, and I was so sleepy.

    When I checked on her again, she had slept with tear which still hadn't dried on her cheek.
    So, I was a child abuser too.

  5. I think it was the wrong choice of words (Dunk in Water)that caused the outrage.

    Personally, I won't splash water on my kids simply because I have other means to stop them and I am afraid that they might catch a cold or get a shock because of the "unusual treatment".

    But I must say that,I don't think what you did was abusive if what you did was merely to pour some water over his head. It is still better than caning!

  6. I don't think that is abusive. But I won't do that coz it probably may cause them to have some kind of phobia....

    I'm not sure if your kid will have it but my daughter definitely will scare of it.

  7. Elaine:
    Do they still do that in the kampung? What a wake up call eh?

    Thanks for the kind words. My intention was not to punish him but to "snap him out of it".

    No. In fact, he still enjoys his bath. He is a water lover.

    Sheoh Yan,
    I believe as parents we always start off with the softer approaches first. When those don't work, we resort to harsher ways BUT of course not crossing the line. Also some days we are more patient and some days our fuse is shorter.

    crazymommy, Debbie Y:
    Yes, wrong choice of words definitely. Each child is different and as mothers we know what they can take or cannot take.

    Anyway folks, this "splashing therapy" was only a one time incidence. It was a last resort for me after trying all other methods. Now when he gets into his screaming fit and won't respond to all the non-harsh methods, I just ask him if he needs to go to the bathroom to cool down and he stops the screaming.

  8. If he is used to bathe that way, it's not abusive. I myself bathe that way when I was young and liked it.

    I think it stopped him because of the wetness he get, not because of the splashes. If a kid never bathe that way before, then the splashes would have frightened him, and that's abusive.

  9. It is not abuse.I did that to my son when he was 3 and he was throwing a massive tantrum and screaming. I took him into the bath and gave him a cold shower.That snapped him out of it..
    When kids at in that state, no reasoning in the world will do any good and all you can do is make sure they don't hurt themselves.Ai Lian, you did not do anything wrong.You are a great mum..BTW, my 3 yr old son is now a very happy and active 6 yr old...He has totally forgotten about the cold showers!

  10. Atan:
    He wasn't frightened at all. It was more of a disruption.

    Thank you so much for sharing. You get it. It isn't to punish but rather to snap him out of it. And like I mentioned before, it is more of a last resort thing. Muah!

  11. I don't think it was abuse. I am even harsher when it comes to disciplining my kids, esp. my #2. Some kids can only be disciplined using the harsh method, like my #2. I cane her almost everyday. Sometimes I too wonder if I am an abusive mom.


Don't go without saying something. I would love to read your comments. BUT no junk comments please.