Friday, October 07, 2005

Attachment Parenting. That's What They Call It These Days.

Yesterday was the first time I came across the term "Attachment Parenting". Immediately the image of my children clinging onto my legs wailing "don't leave me" came to my mind. I wondered, do we really want our children to be MORE attached to us?
As it turns out, that is not what Attachment Parenting is about. Apparently it's what a majority of us are already doing. The following are just some highlights of Attachment Parenting:
  1. Breastfeeding and allowing for natural weaning.
  2. Carrying baby around wherever and whenever (sometimes it may feel like forever). The Attached Parent doesn't believe that this practice will spoil the child. On the other hand they believe the child will benefit from the closeness. Some call this "babywearing" and it advocates the sling.
  3. Co-sleeping with baby.
  4. Attached parents understand the magnitude of the mother's role in the home. In other words, they are proud to be a SAHM or strive to be a SAHM. If possible, they would try not to pass the baton of taking care of their children to others.

These are just a few things on the list. But the bottomline about Attachment Parenting is being in tune with the child. It's a natural thing. Unfortunately we have been brainwashed into thinking we must train a child to be independent right from the crib. We have been taught to "push away" our kids so we can have a life. Hence I guess the use of the word "Attachment." It's in direct opposition "Separation". It's not about bringing up our children so they depend on us, but rather a way of parenting that allows deep bonds to develop and be the foundation of our children's life. It's flexible and adaptable to each individual child.

Well, after learning what Attachment Parenting is about, I declare myself an Attached Parent. Are you one too?

If you want to know more about Attachment Parenting, here are some articles and links of interest.

  1. Attachment Parenting:The Components of a Nurturing, Instinctive Parenting Style (by Keri Baker)
  2. What is Attachment Parenting?
  3. What Attachment Parenting Is = The 7 Baby B's
  4. Books on Attachment Parenting


  1. I'm thinking there is a happy medium. My 5 year old daughter loves to be picked "uppie" and carried but also does not get upset if she's told no. She thinks snuggling in bed together is great, she's been only in a crib or her own bed since birth. She's independant and enjoys the together time.

  2. What they are saying is great, but just one thing concerned me, in England we've noticed a horrible tendancy in cot death in the past few years. The babies are often not in their cot, they are in bed with their parents.
    I'm not saying don't sleep with the baby in bed with you at all, but be mindful the baby might get too hot. A suggestion they are giving is have a moses basket right by the bed, so you can hold the baby in bed till he/she is asleep, then put them in the moses basket.

  3. The one thing I liked about this Attachment Parenting thing is that it is flexible for each child. I don't pretend to be an expert in this field but I believe it would boil down to this question: Why you do what you do?
    Is it for the best interest of the child or the best interest of the mother?
    In my opinion, the motive for our actions would be what defines Attachment Parenting. I take the list as a guideline and not necessarily the rule to Attachment Parenting.
    For example, do you have your child sleep separate from you because your MAIN concern is for the safety of your child or because you want your child to learn independance?
    Are your actions dictated by your motherly instincts or by "nagging" from outside influence?

    Like I said, I've only just heard about Attachment Parenting. However it seems to me the "spirit of the law" is what defines it and not the "letter of the law". Anyone else agrees with me?

  4. I agree with you Ai Lian. Its the spirit. To me, Attachment Parenting is natural parenting. Its doing what comes naturally to us as a parent and being in tune with your baby's needs or giving your older child the attention and love they need to thrive. To me, parenting is "To each his own." As long as you and your child are happy with your arrangements that suit your family and your lifestyle, theres no need to worry too much about what this book/that person says.

  5. yea..I bumped into this term a couple of months back....i didn't know a term existed. Anyhow, after reading up about it...I think all of us, in our own ways do pratcice Attachment Parenting...I know I do...this site of yours is interesting..if you dont mind, I'd like to put your blog as a link in mine...

  6. I'm an AP mama and it's great! I think that children need to feel loved, supported and safe and the AP style does that. I also tend to call it "common sense parenting" ie baby cries - pick him/her up. For me it always seems that more mainstream methods of parenting make you go against that little voice in your head while AP is right there with it.


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